On Job Requirements

 Thug

They would be the spark of a shark
That firstly melts into the dark
And then, intent to bite
Dashes back into shimmering light.

Caution.
Some say if you do
It wouldn’t benefit you:
Before you’ve caught your due, they fear
The dark has preyed on you, my dear.


Teacher

This teacher teaches no useless matter
He teaches better
And teaches hotter
He teaches the needs of the gutter
More often with fists than with words –
He’s the teacher of future jailbirds.

A reliable gardener of weeds
He teaches what he can – his can
Watering a susceptible seed.


Milkperson

Real milkmen vanished from the frame
Well before these milkpersons came.
An overmuch of testosteronies?

There ain’t no milk without hormonies.
The milkperson we’d like to hire
Should lack what we require.


Nurse

The nurses, black; the nursed ones, white –
It always happens this way, right?
There seems to be some rule behind
It, challenging the color blind.

You, pink as pork: if you apply
Don’t tell us why.


Minister

We’re looking for a minister
With looks not quite that sinister.
If you seem gay, the job is yours.

But don’t be downright fun, of course:
For Christ’s sake, wear black leather gear
With jocks incarnate at the rear.


Prince

Currently, we are short of a prince
Keen to move up the ladder
A princeling with ambition, hence
Not just a lazy bladder.

No royal blood required, but
The throne-compatible Windsor butt.


Novel Plumber

There is a skill in humankind
We only in one person find –
The plumber of the perfect loo.
Is that you?

If you’re not loath to unclog a sewer
We also need a book reviewer.


Salesman

Are you the silly salesman we
Expect for our company?
A man of honor, pride and art
Hard-working, ruthless, trim and smart?
At home, a decent dad of two?

Don’t call us, we’ll call you.


Molester

Looking for a mild molester
Good with kids and pets – a jester
Who never ever goes too far
In a company car.

They should respect the traffic lights
And parents’ rights to peaceful nights.


Swan

We’re ready to hire a swan
Doing the job of a swan
Behaving like a swan
With a swan-like peck
And a turtleneck.

Since we have no lake to propose
Bring your own pool.
                                         And a hose.


July 18, 2026